I’ve found hundreds of LDS single woman young and old, with and without children, never married and divorced. Many of whom won’t be seen much in the mid-singles community.
With the emphasis our LDS culture gives on marriage and families, for the past 2 years, I’ve been searching for the reason they would intentionally decide to not date.
There’s been so much said in the past and very recently by church leaders about the need to date and get married, so why are these single woman not?
Why are the single men not?
I’ve talked with some men who say they feel overwhelmed with the amount of choices they have in UT. So many beautiful woman, they can’t seem to stop chasing the next “shiny” woman in front of them. Always looking, but never finding that perfect fit. I’ve heard more than a few men say… A hotter, better woman might come into view. If I stay unattached, no problem. I can chase anyone I choose.
For women, it’s totally different. With hundreds of single women living around me, a growing number of us are choosing to not date. Not because we don’t want to be happily married or even lack the ability to be happily married. The sad fact is that there aren’t enough men of approximate equal quality, for us to be happily married to. See Jacob 2:35.
So- even on days when my heart wants to find my Prince Charming- I quickly remind myself why I choose not to date.
1. I don’t want to take the time and energy from my 4 children who I care for full-time or my start-up business. The initial stage of a romantic relationship takes a huge amount of time and emotional energy. Like a rocket launching into orbit.
2. Last night, I read an article that states that in my beautiful state of Utah there are 2 LDS men for every 3 LDS women. And while I’m okay with some competition in the start-up phase of a relationship, I was frustrated with the unqualified, half-interested applicants. A woman needs a man who’d walk through the fire with her, not someone who’s in and out at the first sign of discomfort or when someone more shiny walks by.
3. Finding a single man who shares our interest and devotion to God is… challenging… The majority of those men…have been happily married for about 15 + years…
4. If I decide to date again, it will be with someone who I feel is completely faithful, has a pure heart, is honest even when it’s difficult, hard working, a creative problem solver, has a great laugh, and is overall a kind person… Sadly, not many of those men are single.
As I calculate all these factors into the why there so many single men and woman in my community. I’ve come to 2 conclusions.
1. Odds are that the majority of LDS single woman between the ages of 26-up, will not find their LDS prince charming. (unless there’s some catastrophic that only strikes LDS married women… not very likely)
2. A high percentage of single men ages 30 and up could find the most amazing, “shiny” woman they can attract… but are very likely to feel some disillusionment and regret when tough times come.
Men and woman need to rise up; put on their big boy/girl pants.
Take good care of your body; like eating healthy and regular moderate exercise.
Do what they can to be happy and fulfilled regardless of circumstance.
Honor their covenants; including the not as critical ones to worthily holding a temple recommend.
Do more missionary work to single men.
Help single men stay active in the gospel. They need love, acceptance and support too.